Pretend it doesn’t exist. Just like I haven’t existed in the lives of my biological family. The big Mother’s Day celebration. What’s a girl to do? I am at sea with this one. I’m hot on the trail DNA wise, but Mother’s day is always a day of mixed emotions. If I could reach out to her what would I do?
I am not the flower type, mainly because of my work. I see so many floral pieces wasted that it becomes too sickly sweet and meaningless. I love flowers but not to send them they remind me of funerals. So, the issue becomes what to do with someone you are biologically related to but doesn’t really outwardly acknowledge your existence. HUM.
Perhaps, you might make a passive aggressive line of greeting that could fill the void for those of us that don’t know quite what do with these biological relatives?
Perhaps-it could go something like this:
Dearest First Mother,
Though you couldn’t parent me, I wanted to acknowledge you on this holiday and really have no idea what the appropriate way to do that is since you haven’t bothered to tell your family that I exist.
Your First Born
That would cover it right? It does seem a bit hostile though. Maybe not what one would want to put out there. Perhaps it is better to just bottle up those feelings some more or just write it on a blog. So, it may appear that this holiday brings out some unworked through emotions. I think this whole process brings through some unworked through emotions for so many.
I don’t want to diminish the hurt on the first mother side either by my statement, I am only addressing my feeling because, well, they are mine and I’ve had all these years alone with them. I cannot know her anguish or joy, because the opportunity to know her is denied me. This is my impasse, wondering about the unknown. Once she is found will she want to be known or will there be a second rejection and abandonment? Speaking with other adoptees I hear this fear echoed. It is often better to not be rejected again.