Of Sales, Money, and Time

Sales, Sales, and More Sales. Yep, that’s right DNA testing kits are on sale!  It’s time to get kits to find long-lost relatives, find ethnicity, break down brickwalls in genealogy research, or just for the heck of it. Maybe this week is the time to get your DNA kit.IMG_6426

Which test is right for you? Well, let’s take a look at what’s onsale.

 

Ancestry has the largest database available among the DNA testing companies. Statistically a large base of potential relatives would be a good thing to start with right?  $59 dollars is a bargain price to test.   What your $59 will get you is a DNA kit that you complete at home by filling a tube with saliva. The saliva is then shipped to Ancestry’s processing center where your DNA will be extracted. Your 23 chromosomes will then be compared with that large database to determine relatives and ethnicity. Easy, peasey, lemon squeezey.

What doesn’t the $59 give you? Access to the genealogy information available through Ancestry or the family trees of your matches.  You have to pay extra for that.  Ancestry offers monthly fees for those options, which can be down right affordable. For $19.99 a month a subscription to the United States Discovery package is available.   If you are on a tight budget, many libraries have Ancestry available for research.  Reserve time and use the resource, plus they may have a full access package that may get you into 3-Fold (Military Records) also.

Not to be outdone, Family Tree DNA is running a sale beating Ancestry, for just $49 you can use their convenient swab test to find out your ancestry, ethnicity, and they have a chromosome browser to compare matches.  No extra charges after the fact, however, they don’t have genealogy records.

In addition to DNA testing kits Family Tree offers a free upload option for existing DNA kits.  If you have already tested at another company you can upload your result for free into their database. For an additional $19 you can open all of your matches and ethnicity, what a deal!  If that isn’t a sure enough sell, maybe using one of their maternal or paternal testing options might be? Using deep DNA testing can help with brick walls or simply be another way to extend your research. Y-DNA or mtDNA may be just the ticket to find your country of origin or unlock the mystery surrounding your 3x Great Grandfather or Grandmother.

Choosing a DNA test can seem overwhelming on the surface, however, with just a little research the choice becomes much clearer.  I didn’t have the benefit of a sale or research prior to testing.  I jumped in. I tested at Ancestry and transferred to Family Tree DNA. In retrospect I should have waited for a sale then weighed my options to see which was best for me. It would have saved me money, time, and frustration.

https://www.familytreedna.com/sale/dna-day

http://www.ancestry.com

A Mirror Tree By Any Other Name

I build, and around I go again. This time the distance is further away. I have a predicted 2nd to 3rd cousin to build out from. She has a good family tree and she is from the general area that I am from.  There should at least be a possibility that we are cousins through my maternal side.

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2nd-3rd Cousin

I don’t rely on Ancestry’s predictions, I use an autosomal statistics DNA prediction chart for a refined look at possible relationships between myself and matches.  There are several but I seem to go back to the DNA detectives one.  At 251 cMs this relationship falls into group D or E on their chart which could be any of the following: in group D-1st cousin 1x removed, 1/2 1st cousin, 1/2 Great Aunt/Uncle or Niece/Nephew, or in E group: 2nd Cousin, 1st cousin 2x removed, or 1/2 1st cousin 1x removed. Whew!  That seems clear, if I had a slide rule, some string, a pocket protector, graphing paper, a war room and a panda side kick to help clarify.

I went back to my cousin’s family tree and took a gander. Her Great Grand Parents looked like the correct place to start, their children would be the possible key.  I could eliminate the exact line the cousin came from because I know from the cMs that isn’t the line that I am from.  I tested the other family names for matches within my DNA pool to see which area to build.  When I got a hot spot for one of the names, I began to build.

Now,  lightly building the tree based on the cousin’s tree, and viola-a tree to hang my DNA on, which is what I did and waited for those glorious little shaky leaves to appear. Appear they did, like the neighbor’s dog looking in our sliding door.  I had arrived in the correct place.  Now, I had to build the tree out and down to find a person that matched my non-identifying information.

 

Sharing With Others

I may not know much, but what I do I will help others with.  Yesterday I shared with my genealogy society some basic knowIMG_5450ledge of DNA testing and how it can be used with traditional genealogy.  I’ve tested at all of the big companies so I don’t have an issue telling others about my experience.  It was my first speaking engagement about genetic genealogy, squee!

I love research.  That may seem odd, but I do. In preparation for the presentation I dusted off some information about autosomal DNA and it’s reach, about five generations was what I found, but what did that really mean?  I looked in my family tree that I have been building in my research.  I had went a little overboard it seems.  I have it back to some 5x great grandparents.

Some long nights, some just one more document, and there I am. I know at least with some certainty who my 5x great grandparents are.  I looked at the dates.  He was born in 1749, well before the Revolutionary War.  Knowing the other members of the group are all older than me, we could safely say that we were all living breathing DNA examples of people who lived between 1689-1750.

That is the part of genealogy that blows my mind.  For me it’s actually being a part of history. I read the documents, I can see their lives, their struggles, everything they left to make a life here.  I can see the loss of children and homesteads.  Picking up again and moving further.  Challenging what was expected with what was needed to survive. Until finally it ends with me.

I look through those records and find those stories so it’s not all lost.  I help others to find new ways to find connection because our stories are important.  DNA will help us to tell stories that were thought lost.  Our voices will be heard again, our stories our not lost, they are just waiting to be told.

Somewhere in my DNA

I don’t know what I will do with the information I have. Knowing isn’t the end it’s the beginning. I can begin separating the matches into to known groups.  My paternal and maternal sides without guessing. I have a good 2nd cousin match on the maternal side. She has a great tree and they are from the area of Michigan that I am from.

I know from my non-identifying information that I requested some basics about my first mother.  Bless my obsession with Scooby Doo, I have gathered my clues gang!  I am not falling into this blind though. I have excellent guidance. There are many support groups and organizations out there to help individuals in their search.

The one group that I have found solid advice is the DNA ADOPTION group.  They have a forum based closed group on yahoo groups that offers solid experience based advice. The group is closed so you can ask questions in a format that isn’t out there for public view.  Most likely someone there has been there, done that. There are literally thousands of success stories that have ties to this group.  They offer classes for all levels, I am currently taking a Y-DNA class to find my husband’s  paternal origin but that is another DNA story.

So, here I am with non-identifying information, which varies wildly among adoptees.  Mine is pretty good.  A friend of mine had his, it was basically, your birth mother was a woman and she placed you for adoption.  Well, that was enlightening!  Mine was carefully recorded I could see that someone cared, a social worker noted her neat appearance, her curly hair, her tall elegant posture.  I had a picture in my mind of her, I knew her family knew about me. Whether that social worker knew it or not, they wrote me a love letter.

I have never seen or touch my first mother, but I’ve held her in my mind through that social workers words. I knew about her loves, her hair, her family’s high forehead-thanks for that by the way. She was always just beyond reach, somewhere in my DNA.

Under Ground

It’s over whelming. Matches come in every day many without trees or connections now I’ve got a rhythm to sorting them.  No tree? No Problem! I look for shared matches, no shared matches-oh no! Worthless DNA! I might be able to find who they are through user name. If not, I set them aside and move on, maybe they will decide to build a tree in the future.

My two groups have grown. I know names and places.  It’s a surprise to me. I have huge clusters in Illinois. I always thought that all of my matches would be in Michigan. That’s where I was born and raised. Clearly I have a close connection to a large family from Illinois.  Hum, who are these people and how do I fit? I’ve got a great match, in fact it’s my top match. So I jump right into the water and I contact her and crickets…

I’m not stopping there.  Ancestry’s messaging system is legend for it’s lacking. So, I find out how to contact this match outside and lo and behold I get a response.  She doesn’t know anything though, most people don’t, but she is a very sweet elderly lady who I am closely related to. I keep building out the family tree, she does tell me that her family is large and there is something unusual, there are double cousins in the family.

Double cousins share more  DNA than other cousins in similar relativeness.  For example, The Smith brothers marry the Maguire sisters.  Both sets of couples have children those children will share a higher amount of DNA with each other.

That existed with my match and her first cousins. Well, well, well-that would explain why an elderly woman was matching me at a 1st cousin level but not high enough to be an Aunt. I immediately looked at the other set of double cousins, another large family.  Only one son, who lined up in the right age group to be my father. I think I found my father.

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Sometimes, all the information seems like the overflow

 

Avoidance

Pretend it doesn’t exist. Just like I haven’t existed in the lives of my biological family. The big Mother’s Day celebration. What’s a girl to do?  I am at sea with this one.  I’m hot on the trail DNA wise, but Mother’s day is always a day of mixed emotions. If I could reach out to her what would I do?

I am not the flower type, mainly because of my work. I see so many floral pieces wasted that it becomes too sickly sweet and meaningless.  I love flowers but not to send them they remind me of funerals. So, the issue becomes what to do with someone you are biologically related to but doesn’t really outwardly acknowledge your existence. HUM.

Dear Hallmark,

Perhaps, you might make a passive aggressive line of greeting that could fill the void for those of us that don’t know quite what do with these biological relatives?

Sincerely,

Biological Child

Perhaps-it could go something like this:

Dearest First Mother,

Though you couldn’t parent me, I wanted to acknowledge you on this holiday and really have no idea what the appropriate way to do that is since you haven’t bothered to tell your family that I exist.

Much Love,

Your First Born

That would cover it right? It does seem a bit hostile though. Maybe not what one would want to put out there.  Perhaps it is better to just bottle up those feelings some more or just write it on a blog.  So, it may appear that this holiday brings out some unworked through emotions.  I think this whole process brings through some unworked through emotions for so many.

I don’t want to diminish the hurt on the first mother side either by my statement, I am only addressing my feeling because, well, they are mine and I’ve had all these years alone with them.  I cannot know her anguish or joy, because the opportunity to know her is denied me.  This is my impasse, wondering about the unknown. Once she is found will she want to be known or will there be a second rejection and abandonment? Speaking with other adoptees I hear this fear echoed.  It is often better to not be rejected again.

I continue……

 

 

 

 

Who Needs Sleep?

Break through! A cousin match sitting in queue since the beginning but unable to understand its significance without context, has yielded its sScreen Shot 2017-05-01 at 10.30.29 AMecret.  I built a tree based on this cousin match at 131 centimorgans across 5 DNA segments.  His family hailed from Missouri some from the Hannibal area, which I admit is what drew my attention because I am a devout Twain hound.  I was too focused on Hannibal and the newspaper connection to see what was right before my eyes. An English immigrant that connected to another tree I was working from my first cousin match.

I had built separate trees because my first cousin didn’t have a tree so I built one through my own research.  The 3rd cousin, I didn’t know how he fit but I could see he share my first cousin, but how? The name Black was in both trees, but it’s a very common name.  the Blacks in both trees seemed to originate in Durham, England.  I found the parents for the first cousin’s Black ancestor, and low and behold it was the same in the 3rd cousin’s tree-BINGO we have a match.  I had a bridge and I knew now I was on to a true path to biological connection. We shared these common ancestors, a couple from England who had at least two daughters immigrate to America.

These two young women were fairly easy to trace with their families.  The only downside was that the trees were large.  As I built I saw that other DNA matches began to fall into place within one of the young woman’s trees.  She had settled in Southern Illinois with her husband and matched my first cousin match.  I soon saw many of my 3rd and 4th cousin matches falling into the extended family tree. I solidly matched the Black’s from England but I also matched my first cousin’s other side of the family also.  How could this be? She didn’t share enough DNA with me to be an Aunt and her daughter didn’t share enough DNA to be my first cousin.

I was only sleeping about 4 hours a night now.  I had a paid subscription to Newspapers.com and I was cross referencing obituaries with names, filling in living relatives when possible.  I even looked people up on Facebook to see if I could match them to the information I had.  Did anyone look like me?  So far, no.  That meant little, I needed to follow the DNA evidence.  I had built out the matches family tree back to her Grandparents with their siblilngs.  I most likely shared these Grandparents with her somehow because I had other DNA matches that shared these same people.  I traced obituaries and filled in all of the children’s names and traced their obituaries.

Twelve children, but I had quite a bit of difficulty tracking down one son. It looked like he passed away within a week of his wife and the obit was more than brief, it listed none of his children.  UGH!  I began looking for secondary sources for information of him.  I searched all newspapers for any articles and began to come up with some information that I could piece together. Looking at census records I could come up with at least three daughters in the 1940 census.  I cross referenced them with newspaper articles, bingo! I came up with wedding announcements. That gave me married names for daughters. None of the information matched my biological mother. I had to be looking at my biological father’s family.

A search brought up an obituary for one of the sisters.  That’s where I found the name of a brother. The brother had to have been born after the 1940 census.  I knew that my father was 21 when I was born. I searched his name in Ancestry records and a marriage record for South Bend, Indiana came up for the year that I was born.  That put him in the area that I was born, near the time I was born. Who was this woman? She wasn’t my birthmother, she didn’t match her information.  If this man was my biological father was he running around the countryside courting young women?

There were more questions than answers.  How could I confirm or reject this person from my match list? I would need to put my DNA matches in my tree and see how I fit. The last thing I would want to do is contact someone that was not related. I had about 15 more matches to place before I would be confident enough to reach out to someone. Looming over it all is that constant fear of secondary rejection.  Discarded once. I don’t want to be discarded twice.

Do You Have My Eyes?

Throughout my life I wondered who I looked like, in families this is easy, you look like Mom, Dad, or Grandma. It’s not eaIMG_4790sy when you’ve never met anyone you are biologically related to. When I went shopping I wondered, did I have any brothers or sisters out there? Had I ever walked by them, saw them at a basketball game, or on T.V.?  What if I was related to my husband? We have been married 25 years! What if we are a bad hillbilly joke? This is going to require some dysfunctional greeting cards.

Evidentially I may look like several people whom I don’t know because I have had occasions of mistaken identity occur.  Not like when someone gets close and they realize you’re not the person they thought you were type either, I have had full-blown, people insisting they knew me when I have never seen them before in my life. The last time someone insisted they knew me was in Nashville, Tennessee in of all places a Library at a book sale, because I am addicted to books and can’t help buying them, even on vacation.  I was over 400 miles from home when a women and her daughter rather adamantly insisted they knew me.   I said I had no clue who they were,  they felt I was blowing them off so they accused me of being a snot.  It shocked me. I was in a library, isn’t there decorum in a library?  I reached in my purse and pulled out my driver’s license to prove my identity, I was frankly shocked.

My identity proven, they apologized.   They thought I was pretending not to know them.  While this was the most disturbing of the incidents, it was not the first that occurred and I don’t think it will be the last.  After the fact, I wondered who the other woman was? Could I actually be related to her? Was she a sister or a cousin I don’t know?

What I know in my ‘non-identifying information’ is scant.  I assume I don’t have relatives in Tennessee, I could be wrong.  People are quite mobile and move great distances for work and family relocation. I also know that faces are basically all the same layout and there are people who look-alike but aren’t related.  If I knew my family I could easily shrug this off and maybe not think another thing of it. No big deal.  Not knowing is the crux, secrecy is the festering point.

I’m blaming all those Nancy Drew and Agatha Christie books.  You, Miss Marple, you made my brain ask the big why? Hercule Poirot, you made me see the details. To ask if there could be something else behind the what if and the why.  To ask questions and demand answers that others are born into.  I want to fill in blanks with answers on my medical forms and on my family tree.  It’s not too much to ask, to come into the light from the shadow of the past.

Not At The Table

Every holiday weekend, means family and dinner.  I battled the crowds to get the customary Easter dinner fixings. I planned baskets for my kids and treats for after dinner. Setting the table I see who is not there, not only those who have passed but those I haven’t found.  I would like nothing better than to fill those empty seats with relatives.

I feel numb drifting through my growing family tree, these people have no meaning to me yet.  They are a mystery to be solved, they lack a tangibility.  So, I need a break.  The one advantage of being adopted and loving genealogy is more families to research.  I turned to my husband’s known parentage and known but not researched tree. He was told a story, but some of the story wasn’t exactly true.  That sounds familiar right? Good to know that adoptees are not the only ones that are fibbed to.

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Myself and my husband Mark in his full MCPherson kit on Lake Chautauqua, New York

I’ve been researching his paternal family tree, because the truth seems to vary by the teller.

His Grandmother’s line is wonderful, there is such diversity and good documentation to follow! She was a McPherson and her mother was a Cooper. Sounds pretty Scottish and Irish right? Mark, my husband wears a McPherson tartan with pride celebrating his Scottish roots, however, with some digging, the immigration of the McPherson clan was an interesting one.  The McPherson branch took a route through Canada, like many loyal to the crown.  Landing on Prince Edward Island they were didn’t stay to find brides like Anne Shirley they forged westward to Montreal, Quebec.

Knowing history as well as genealogy can be beneficial, with a little research I found some facts about early Quebec. Early Quebec was overwhelmingly male inhabited, about 80%, there was a desperate shortage of women to marry.  As a result from 1634-1662 Filles a Marier, young women were sponsored to come over, they signed a marriage contract, however, she had the right to refuse her potential spouse and some did on arrival.  The Filles a Marier brought 262 young women to Quebec to become wives and the foundation of society in the wilderness.

Later the state sponsored the Filles du Roi, King’s Daughters. 774 Filles du Roi were recruited, of which 414 were orphans. Providing these young women with a dowry and transport as well as pick of the eligible bachelors, it was “The Bachelorette” circa 1663, with more aromatics.  These young woman had to brave many hardships as well as ridicule of the established families who started rumors that they were prostitutes or thieves. I imagine there is nothing better to do in a small community than to spread rumors, somethings never change.

Martin McPherson found himself a nice French girl, Marie Billet, who lucky for my husband, was a descendant of one of those brave women who embarked from France as a Filles a Marier.  If it hadn’t been for that first step into the unknown he would have never existed.  We all have our unknowns, for adoptees our unknown biological families hold mystery and fear of what we will find.  I love uncovering family treasures through old records. Taking a break from my own mystery reaffirms why I am searching. I need my own answers, I need my own stories.

Jumping In

My Non-Identifying information or non-id told me very little about who I was searching for, but it did have some clues.  One very good one was that father’s family was large.  My DNA matches through Ancestry could be used to match my non-id, however, I needed a way to organize the information that made sense and followed an established system.  Thankfully, I didn’t need to reinvent the wheel.

Ancestrys’ family tree building program is good, but I had problems with it glitching with duplications that I had to go back and delete. I spent hours deleting and correcting, especially with the huge families that I found with the first top matches I had.  Family Tree Magazine offers free forms that I used to organize the massive information.  I needed to view the multiple branches all at once but on Ancestry I could only view a small section at a time.

A large dry erase board is another option for organization. I didn’t have room in my home for one, but I could see the advantage to keeping the information organized through a large dry ease board, or simply just use it to work a section at a time before transferring them to a sheet or computer program. There is one caveat, however, when copying work be careful.  It is very easy to transpose names, dates, or other information. Inadvertently you may create an error in your tree, double-check the information as you transfer.

As I worked in my potential birth father’s family the tree grew and it became clear that my first cousin match wasn’t my first cousin. I worked up the family tree to her Grandparents.  It was most likely that we shared these same relatives because I noticed that I also had matches to both sides of these two peoples families.  They had twelve children and I had to work out the families for each to see if any of them remotely matched my non-identifiying information or if my non-identifying information might be a fiction and I should just focus on the DNA.

Getting a subscription to Newspapers.com was a necessity for me as most of these people were from Illinois.  Thankifully, the newspapers that covered the areas that these people lived in were included in the subsciption service.  Tracking down twelve seperate individuals, their marriages, children, deaths, and obits would be hours of computers work.  Would it be worth it?  What did I want from it? That remained to be seen, I mainly wanted to know where I came from and have simple answers, the answers were out there, I just had to work to find them.